Saturday, November 21, 2009

I have a Plan!

Ok, for some reason I have a hard time with goals that aren't nice round multiples of 1000. So now I've typed my Grand Plan into my notes file. It looks like this:

23: 35000

25: 40000

27: 45000

29: 50000

Nice and simple, eh? In my NaNo, Wensel also has a Plan. It's a lot more complicated and insane than my plan, which is simply to write 50K words of novel by the end of November. Wensel's plan is to torture poor widdle half-zombie Adurven until she turns into a god. And if she can do it, he can do it. Or something like that. He's sane enough to realize that using yourself as your first experimental subject might prove unwise.

Day ? (Wensel's Plan! In which Addy is being mercilessly tortured.)

"I haven't even started yet, my dear child," said Wensel.

"I don't... I don't understand... how this... how this is turning me... into a god." I had to concentrate to force the words out.

"It's all in your mind," he said. He tapped the side of my helmet, causing a wave of darkness to wash over me. "Remember that."

All in my mind? Is this how he can sleep at night? It's not really torture because it's only imaginary? But he does know better, or he wouldn't need to tie me to the chair.

I wanted to kill him. How I wanted to kill him, then. Rip open his belly and hang him by his own entrails. If only I could crack his skull open and devour his brains, that would ease the pain. And if not, at least he'd be dead and I wouldn't have to listen to his stupid crazy plans.

But the straps were too strong. And the chair wouldn't break. It was bolted to the floor and I couldn't wrench it loose.

There was only one direction to run to escape the pain. I retreated deeper into my own mind. I fled, but the pain chased me down again. All the way to the edge. I found the edge
of all thoughts, an inner darkness that marked the border of death.

/Keep going./ Wensel's voice rode on the crest of the pain, whipping me towards the darkness.

I refused.

He pushed me. The bastard pushed me!

I fell into the darkness and I /knew/ I was dying. Terror worse than the pain had been.

Falling into death, I clutched at any stray thought that could pull me back. In the darkness, I was blind, but at the edge of fading consciousness, I could sense six ghostly presences. I called their names in a desperate plea.

"Sviar! Rhasqu! Faiza! Derghu! No-Tail! Brack!"

"Adurven." Six voices called my name in unison.

Then I was nowhere at all, suspended in a frozen moment between pain and fear. "Help me. I need your help. Please."

"So he's finally taken the plunge, eh?" said Sviar.

"Right off the deep end," I agreed. I felt light-headed from relief. "He wants to turn me into a god."

"And may yet succeed in his blasphemous design," said Rhasqu, sounding worried. "Our natural inclinations work against us."

"What do you mean?"

"We can hardly stand by with our hands in our sleeves and watch you die without trying to save you," said Faiza. "But the nature of our help would start the apotheosis."

"There is nothing natural in it," growled the wolf. "But your path has never been natural. No wonder he chose you to be his running dog."

"Neh, nature is overrated," said Derghu. "Question is, what is it thee wants?"

"I don't know! I just want to live, to have a life, and not be shunted away into a cellar or a lab because people are afraid to look at my face. I want Wensel not to have been such a sadistic, murdering bastard."

"Speaking as a sadistic, murdering bastard, I say you should have stuck a bloody dagger through his heart some night while you had the bloody chance," said Brack. He slipped his sword a few inches out of the sheath, then slammed it back. "Wish I'd had the sense to do that before..."

"What's the use of 'should have's now?" I asked. Then I wished I hadn't. But for once, Brack took no offense, and merely grunted.

"That's the point," said Sviar. "You can change it. If you really want to."

"If you took the reins of your own history and rewrote it," said Faiza. "If you were a god, you could live in all of your time simultaneously."

"That can't be right," I protested. "Or why did the god who became the Ark ever die? He could have changed /his/ history so he didn't end up floating in the void."

"Dangerous," said Rhasqu. "Paradox is forbidden under the aegis of heaven. He choose to live under heaven, so he died under it, too."

"But you wouldn't have to go that far," says Sviar.

"I don't understand how I could go anywhere at all," I said.

"It starts with us," says Rhasqu. "You already share your mind with us. How else could we appear to you here, now?"

"If you absorbed us fully into your being, then Wensel would not be able to hold you here," said Sviar.

"But once you start, you may not be able to stop," said Faiza. "If you leap off a cliff to avoid the tiger, can you halt before you strike the rocks waiting below?"

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